Well, no more OBLIVION for the second channel :(

I tried recording video today of OBLIVION, Elder Scrolls IV, and THREE TIMES it has locked up so hard I have had to restart my comp. So I guess the Oblivion series is over, aye? Sigh :( It's been such a hot day I have been mostly asleep, in a daze... and now I can't even record this. Sigh.

I love life so much.

I have an uneasy relationship with death

I write fiction. Used to REALLY write fiction a LOT. Sadly, the fire in my belly is almost out... mostly ashes and embers but there is still a little flame here and there...

One of the BIG themes I used to use a LOT in my fiction was Death as Humor. I slaughter people like bugs in my fiction and I usually try to make some sort of humorous slant of it... where the actual fact that 200 people were gutted like trout and their corpses desecrated is the PUNCHLINE...

It's not an easy line to walk. When I come across other people using death as humor in their fiction (be it written or visual (novel or movie :) )) I get a REAL uneasy feeling in my gut... So I have the feeling that others have at LEAST that feeling in THEIR gut when they read a story of mine, and how the HUMOROUS twist is the main character ends up eaten alive by space zombies.

It's... a weird twist and I am not sure WHY I always come back to it.

Been stressing out a lot, but

I am also attempting to be a little more positive about things, so I am not going to go insane with postings about things.

Just saying Hi! :)   Doing a LOT of videos daily for my TWO channels now :)

Have a great day!

I have to admit, I am getting a little scared...

100,000 is a LARGE number. Not as big as 18 million :) But to a guy with social anxieties, 100,000 people subscribed to my channel is a lot.

Now, I also understand that of those 100,000 subs, probably 2,000 watch the actual videos :) and that's ok. It happens to EVERYONE. That's why Pewdiepie with like 50 MILLION subs, gets 2 mil views on a video. Those other 98k subs that AREN'T watching, aren't really active subs.

It's life and it's ok :) I am still amazed tho at all of this. I entered into this thinking that if I got 5 subs I'd be doing good! I'm doing a LOT better than THAT!

Have a great day, all of you! The world can be a beautiful, wonderful place!

I uploaded my first video to my second channel today!

Yay! My media empire grows :D

I wish :)

Anyway, I wish I could figure out my hardware conflicts so I could reliably stream!

Take care, everyone!

:)

Last night was a VERY good VPAP night!

The past 5 days, trying to wear my VPAP mask when sleeping was ramping up my anxiety to horrible levels. Last night tho when I put on my mask there was ZERO anxiety. In fact, I felt GREAT while wearing it! Slept wonderfully!

Hopefully, this can keep up... now I just have to figure out how to NOT kill the skin on the bridge of my nose! It's breaking down, and I do NOT need a pressure sore on my FACE!

I not understand what is happening with my system and my sound

It's getting crazy. I used to have my volume set at 30 out of 100 and it was nice and loud; NOW, I have to put the volume at 40 at it's so QUIET-

When I edit my videos through my editor, I edit the sound so it's PERFECT on my side. But MY SIDE is not reporting things ACCURATELY- when my video sounds PERFECT on my side, I render and upload-

and it sounds all WRONG- my voice is too loud, the game volume is too quiet- I do NOT understand what is happening, I just don't want to have to reinstall again. It's only been like 2 months since I had to re-install Win10- this is nuts!

The last time I looked

It was the 18th of July... and today is the 20th!! ARGH!

The heat has been killing me. I do not do heat well- it gets over 75F, and I lose the ability to think clearly, to stay awake, to be able to move and get things DONE...

The last few days I have spent, at times, literally 4 to 5 HOURS in a daze, trying to be coherent and FEELING myself be unable to think... trying to stand up, to get up and MOVE and find myself literally UNABLE to- robbed of thought and action by the HEAT.

And it's only mid-JULY. ARGH. It ain't gonna start cooling down til mid-September. Sigh :(

I am so sorry

I don't just want to post one line gibberish statements to ensure I "post daily"; yet, if I do NOT post at least SEMI-regularly, I WILL stop posting after only a short time... so I have to find a nice medium!

Not there yet, but working on it!

I even took a nap today

and I am still so tired. I sorry everyone.

I Worry So Much About Gaining Weight Back And Getting Fat Again

and so far I really don't need to worry about GAINING weight... in fact, I STILL have to work to keep my weight UP. I keep dropping down to under 200, and 213 is a good weight for me, tho I get really antsy and worried if my weight even hits 205...

Still tho, I worry- which I shouldn't. Born worrier :)

I think I need to make sure I also stress

quantity as well as quality- if I don't post every day, I'm gonna forget about this entirely- and THAT would suck!

They want you to die for them.

To be honest, it’s what you’ve trained to do. It’s not like they kidnapped you and are holding a gun to your temple and asking, “May we please pull the trigger?” No, you actually volunteered and were chosen from a vast pool of many volunteers.

And now today is the day. The day you will die. You don't have to, of course. No one will threaten you if you change your mind; there will be a vast disappointment of course, and the negative peer pressure would be diamond hard and applied with the force of much megatonnage... but there is no thought of escape in your mind. Oh no.

No, the interface will open and then, inside a field a thousand times thinner than a human hair, the magic. Instantaneous, one-way teleportation to the surface of Mars. It’s hideously expensive; every second open uses more energy than most European countries burn through in a year. All you have to do is walk through the interface, smile for the equipment present, and die.

The surface of Mars is terribly unfit for any kind of life; a naked human being- YOU- with no survival equipment, not even a thin paper gown to cover yourself with, won’t last long at all.

Computer simulations can only tell you so much, after all. Sometimes the best experiments are the most basic. Your corpse will provide data for decades, if not centuries.

All you have to do is walk forward, through the interface, when the time comes. It will hurt, death; no one would be officially disappointed if you didn’t walk through the interface when it opened.

They want you to die for them.

For the first time in several days

I finally have nearly enough :) THC within me. I feel a LOT better, physically and mentally. It's a good thing, pain control. I really enjoy not hurting.

I hate that in our greed, we refuse to do anything about global climate change.

It used to snow, deep snow, every winter in Washington State. Now, IF we get snow, it ain't much. The summers used to be nice- warm, not too hot. Now we break a NEW record EVERY YEAR for NEW hottest year EVER...  I don't do heat well, and already, just in the beginning of July, I am having heat problems.

Sigh :(

National 'Murican 'Blow Your Fingers Off' Day!

Yay! So let's hope not TOO many people blow their fingers off- it really is sad when that happens. Be safe, be good, and if you can't be good- be careful :)

Take care!

I actually find my subscriber count kind of SCARY :)

I went into my channel with only the thought of staying busy- keeping alive, getting out of my head and involved with the world again. I figured I'd get maybe 5, 10 subscribers and I was cool with it.

And my channel actually grew! I kept adding subs until I crossed a thousand subscribers! It was amazing- and still is!

And NOW I'm getting close to ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND subscribers! Hokey Smokes! That is a SCARY number for someone with moderate social anxieties :)  I am INTENSELY grateful to each and every person that has subscribed to my channel and I always will be... but Hokey smokes, that's a BIG number... :)

I don't know if anyone does it any more,

or if it is still called datamoshing, but my GOSH this is absolutely amazing stuff! Taking advantage of our technology, it's limitations and so how we have 'cheats'; taking advantage of those cheats to create an art form that would be literally impossible to even CONCEIVE without the use of computers and other tech.

It's absolutely boggling! I've been googling and watching LOTS of these and they are BIZARRE, NEW, and absolutely EXCITING!