Monday, July 24, 2017

Last night was a VERY good VPAP night!

The past 5 days, trying to wear my VPAP mask when sleeping was ramping up my anxiety to horrible levels. Last night tho when I put on my mask there was ZERO anxiety. In fact, I felt GREAT while wearing it! Slept wonderfully!

Hopefully, this can keep up... now I just have to figure out how to NOT kill the skin on the bridge of my nose! It's breaking down, and I do NOT need a pressure sore on my FACE!

Saturday, July 22, 2017

I not understand what is happening with my system and my sound

It's getting crazy. I used to have my volume set at 30 out of 100 and it was nice and loud; NOW, I have to put the volume at 40 at it's so QUIET-

When I edit my videos through my editor, I edit the sound so it's PERFECT on my side. But MY SIDE is not reporting things ACCURATELY- when my video sounds PERFECT on my side, I render and upload-

and it sounds all WRONG- my voice is too loud, the game volume is too quiet- I do NOT understand what is happening, I just don't want to have to reinstall again. It's only been like 2 months since I had to re-install Win10- this is nuts!

Thursday, July 20, 2017

The last time I looked

It was the 18th of July... and today is the 20th!! ARGH!

The heat has been killing me. I do not do heat well- it gets over 75F, and I lose the ability to think clearly, to stay awake, to be able to move and get things DONE...

The last few days I have spent, at times, literally 4 to 5 HOURS in a daze, trying to be coherent and FEELING myself be unable to think... trying to stand up, to get up and MOVE and find myself literally UNABLE to- robbed of thought and action by the HEAT.

And it's only mid-JULY. ARGH. It ain't gonna start cooling down til mid-September. Sigh :(

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

I am so sorry

I don't just want to post one line gibberish statements to ensure I "post daily"; yet, if I do NOT post at least SEMI-regularly, I WILL stop posting after only a short time... so I have to find a nice medium!

Not there yet, but working on it!

Thursday, July 13, 2017

I Worry So Much About Gaining Weight Back And Getting Fat Again

and so far I really don't need to worry about GAINING weight... in fact, I STILL have to work to keep my weight UP. I keep dropping down to under 200, and 213 is a good weight for me, tho I get really antsy and worried if my weight even hits 205...

Still tho, I worry- which I shouldn't. Born worrier :)

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

I think I need to make sure I also stress

quantity as well as quality- if I don't post every day, I'm gonna forget about this entirely- and THAT would suck!

Saturday, July 8, 2017

They want you to die for them.

To be honest, it’s what you’ve trained to do. It’s not like they kidnapped you and are holding a gun to your temple and asking, “May we please pull the trigger?” No, you actually volunteered and were chosen from a vast pool of many volunteers.

And now today is the day. The day you will die. You don't have to, of course. No one will threaten you if you change your mind; there will be a vast disappointment of course, and the negative peer pressure would be diamond hard and applied with the force of much megatonnage... but there is no thought of escape in your mind. Oh no.

No, the interface will open and then, inside a field a thousand times thinner than a human hair, the magic. Instantaneous, one-way teleportation to the surface of Mars. It’s hideously expensive; every second open uses more energy than most European countries burn through in a year. All you have to do is walk through the interface, smile for the equipment present, and die.

The surface of Mars is terribly unfit for any kind of life; a naked human being- YOU- with no survival equipment, not even a thin paper gown to cover yourself with, won’t last long at all.

Computer simulations can only tell you so much, after all. Sometimes the best experiments are the most basic. Your corpse will provide data for decades, if not centuries.

All you have to do is walk forward, through the interface, when the time comes. It will hurt, death; no one would be officially disappointed if you didn’t walk through the interface when it opened.

They want you to die for them.

Friday, July 7, 2017

For the first time in several days

I finally have nearly enough :) THC within me. I feel a LOT better, physically and mentally. It's a good thing, pain control. I really enjoy not hurting.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

I hate that in our greed, we refuse to do anything about global climate change.

It used to snow, deep snow, every winter in Washington State. Now, IF we get snow, it ain't much. The summers used to be nice- warm, not too hot. Now we break a NEW record EVERY YEAR for NEW hottest year EVER...  I don't do heat well, and already, just in the beginning of July, I am having heat problems.

Sigh :(

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

National 'Murican 'Blow Your Fingers Off' Day!

Yay! So let's hope not TOO many people blow their fingers off- it really is sad when that happens. Be safe, be good, and if you can't be good- be careful :)

Take care!

Monday, July 3, 2017

I actually find my subscriber count kind of SCARY :)

I went into my channel with only the thought of staying busy- keeping alive, getting out of my head and involved with the world again. I figured I'd get maybe 5, 10 subscribers and I was cool with it.

And my channel actually grew! I kept adding subs until I crossed a thousand subscribers! It was amazing- and still is!

And NOW I'm getting close to ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND subscribers! Hokey Smokes! That is a SCARY number for someone with moderate social anxieties :)  I am INTENSELY grateful to each and every person that has subscribed to my channel and I always will be... but Hokey smokes, that's a BIG number... :)

Saturday, July 1, 2017

I don't know if anyone does it any more,

or if it is still called datamoshing, but my GOSH this is absolutely amazing stuff! Taking advantage of our technology, it's limitations and so how we have 'cheats'; taking advantage of those cheats to create an art form that would be literally impossible to even CONCEIVE without the use of computers and other tech.

It's absolutely boggling! I've been googling and watching LOTS of these and they are BIZARRE, NEW, and absolutely EXCITING!