Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Well, while I didn't fall asleep last night...

It still wasn't a very good night. My apologies. I will start streaming to the world soon, I promise! I have to- it's IMPORTANT. :)

Back later :)

Monday, May 22, 2017

I must have more tired yesterday than I thought!

I check today's date and it turns out I missed a whole day blogging again. It might be that daily is a bit much for me... or I need to buck down and get to it :)

One or the other.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Not quite sure how I am going to do this

Because of various reasons, I have tried sleeping in my recliner this evening because I don't have any RSO to sleep in my bed. So when I do try, I might be able to sleep for an hour or so. Going to be fun, being awake and wandering the house when my housemates are trying to sleep.

Friday, May 19, 2017

I am not going to give up on this blog!

I apologize to the 2 or 3 people that read this blog, other than myself :), for not being as daily as I had planned on being. I WILL do better. How can I bolster my new media empire if I don't actually POST! :)

Take care and I will do better!

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

It has not been a good month for me.

In fact, not for ANYONE in my household. We got hit by a bunch of stealth charges that went and whammed us below what we needed to have... now it's a challenge to get enough CANNABIS for the three of us.

My need for cannabis is, arguably, greater than that of my housemates. Without cannabis, I will become bedridden. I'm getting close to that NOW since we are so low on cash- we cannot buy the cannabis we all need. My hands are so sore I can barely use them; my left hip feels like there is broken glass grinding in it with every movement; every joint, every nerve receptor, is YELLING right now because my fibromyalgia is not being treated appropriately.

My housemates are in better shape but they still require cannabis themselves- SHE has enough physical and mental issues from her childhood that without cannabis she does not do well; HE needs cannabis or HE hurts and his mood bottoms out.

We are all in bad shape right now and hurting. Life is fun :)

Take care and hope to keep posting!

Monday, May 15, 2017

Yesterday was a weird day

After I went to lunch with my sister whom I have not seen for ten years, I just felt weird and tired. Didn't get much done at ALL. Reminders of mortality, I think, since my sister is 50 and... looking her age, and her daughter was there and ALL her children are in their mid to late 20's, and mY kids are getting older...

Mortality. How nice to remember that one day I will DIE.


Saturday, May 13, 2017

Well, Starting TOMORROW

is what I meant, obviously. Now I don't want to make this just a throwaway post because then I am doing myself and you no favors at all. And yet at the moment, I am unable to really sit and type a moire substantive post; for this, I most sincerely apologize.  I wish I had it in me to deliver a post of actual import but for many reasons, one of them sheer tiredness, I am unable to maintain a clear thread in my head.

So I hope tomorrow I will be able to type sentences and phrases that actually mean something. Take care my friends and best of luck.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Now that I have gotten into the habit of daily posting...

Even though the post may not be worth much! But NOW the challenge is to make posts of substance and size! So, starting on the morrow, I will be not only posting daily on my blog but making substantive posts- of over 2,000 words. This is insanity and unsustainable. So let's begin! :)

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Getting closer to livestreaming on Twitch!

Especially since HITBOX.TV is now SMASHCAST and I can no longer sign into it. But that works! My new streaming URL is


So very cool!

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

I spent all day with an online friend

trying to get my comp to be able to stream. Oh, we spent HOURS. We did a lot and figured a bunch out, but at the same time, we aren't done yet!

Got a huge headache and fell asleep for 2 hours at the end of it as well!

Monday, May 8, 2017

Sorry I Missed Yesterday

I've been in such a mental mess of late and what with my bankruptcy court meeting today, I just didn't get it done and I am so sorry.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Well, At Least I Have SOMETHING Done :)

Oh man, re-installing all the software I use on a daily basis is such a pain. MAN I hate all this  anymore! Takes so much time. Oh well!

Hopefully later today I will have more to say. We shall see! :) Take care everyone!

Friday, May 5, 2017

Oh man

Last night, Microsoft was supposed to update my computer with the new Creators Update!

When I came into my "studio", I discovered my comp was black screened, with the words BOOTMGR MISSING press ctr alt del to continue

And that was that. My comp was dead.

I've since managed to re-format and reinstall Win7, tho I am updating now. I need to upgrade to Win10, sadly, as a lot of my software for the channel now requires Win10. Sigh.

No videos for this day likely- it's almost 11 AM and I';m still updating Win7.


Not to mention Windows still doesn't see my 1 terabyte hybrid drive, a mix between an ssd drive and a standard drive.


Thursday, May 4, 2017

I Am So Sorry AGAIN

After the power came back yesterday I didn't have a lot of oomph in me to do a bunch of stuff and I kept putting off entering into the blog because I could always do it later...

Then I started falling asleep in my chair...

...then it was time to go to bed, and now it's the next DAY...

I am so sorry :(

I promise myself to do better THIS time :)

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

I AM So Ashamed Of My Behavior Yesterday

Not that I did anything terrible. I'm just shocked and horrified that I couldn't control my actions. Normally my control is tight enough that I can feel terrible inside but hide it- and yesterday, I could not control my depression and mood...

I am so sorry :(

Monday, May 1, 2017

I Have No Idea What Is Going On In My Body

I started off feeling great. Then started getting depressed. Then got BADLY depressed. Took a shower, started feeling better. Now I am unaccountably PISSED OFF at the world and I don't know WHY. Today is a weird day and I am very sorry, world :(

Sunday, April 30, 2017

It's Actually A Collection Of Short Stories

and WORK as a novel and that's mega cool :) By page 360, the main city that 3/4 of the book had taken place in, Crotalorn, was just a memory and where it stood was now just the Ash Plains... Tribes had risen and fallen and the Sons of Cludd, while still around, are more of a joke than a threat. Women take turns playing games where they show their naked bodies to the Sons to fluster them.

And amazingly, one story involved a fearsome character known as the Archimage- incredibly powerful, and childcatchers gathered children to give to the Archimage... it was thought he Ate Their Souls, for they came out... blank and docile after.

One of the characters is childcatcher. When he was young, to evade childcatchers himself, he betrayed the lost children he had been staying with... became a childcatcher as his friends went to the Archimage.

Later, he has to visit the Archimage! And he discovers that the Archimage DOES, in fact, take the souls of children... but not to eat...

The Archimage is the ONLY decent character in the entire collection of characters- aside from Dr. Porfat who was murdered and his remains devoured by ghouls halfway through the book. When the childcatcher is in the home of the Archimage, he is actually visited by the souls of his friends whom he betrayed to the Archimage! And the Archimage didn't take children's souls to enslave or eat them- he was SAVING them from the cruelty of the world! Yes, through death, but the fates of 99.9% of them would have been terrible death anyway.

This was an INCREDIBLE book/collection of short stories that intertwine and make a WONDERFUL tale. Extremely evocative of the older tales by Robert Howard, Dunsany, Lovecraft and others with a VERY modern sensibility!

The Book Is Called THRONE OF BONES

by Brian McNaughton. It's amazing still. I do not know how there is any civilization there. One of the "short stories" in the interlocking stories of this novel is about a guy who is a Vendren... and in this world, you have your "tribes", like the Vendrens, the Fands, the Sleith, etc... and the Vendrens are looked down on by EVERYONE although they are also a very powerful House.

The main character starts off talking about his epilepsy... and his fits he has... and you discover odder things about him... until one night he sneaks into this one woman's room, and is HORRIFIED when a man comes into her room, transforms into a WORM... and SWALLOWS the woman whole and digests her ALIVE...

SO he flees to his ancestral home in Vendren and discovers his MOTHER is a hideous WORM BEAST- he slays her, and discovers that the fits he has been having is when HE becomes the worm... and SWALLOWS women whole and digests them ALIVE...

He has no idea what or who he is... he TRIES not to eat people but is NOT in control of his fits, which he KNOWS is not a disease now...

This world is TERRIFYING. First the Sons of Cludd aren't happy unless the air is thick with the smoke of burning PEOPLE... And 2nd, EVERYWHERE are monsters that prey on humanity... and they seem to be a rather SIZEABLE portion of the population as well...


Saturday, April 29, 2017

Been Reading A Different Book

lately. It's a fantasy novel but written in a VERY modern way... There are the Sons of Cludd (Cludd being one of the many gods in the novel...) and the Cluddites are being treated VERY gently- the Cluddites LOVE to deal with heresy and blasphemy with BURNING people at the stake... so the people in  charge of the city are keeping them around because hey- they are just religious people and they CAN be useful... just have to keep them from burning TOO many people.

There is a HUGE problem with ghouls in this society. And ghouls are...  both a major problem and... something that people just... deal with. Regular human beings CAN become ghouls- and if you DO change, you will kill and eat people and corpses... the more rotten and decayed, the better. At one point, the king of the ghouls is holding COURT in the bad part of town... people willingly entering the ghoul's lairs to have the ghouls EAT part of a family corpse... BECOME that person for a time and tell people WHERE the money is hidden...

And oh yes- if a ghoul eats a corpse, there IS a chance that the SPIRIT of the person being eaten can OVERCOME a ghoul- they BECOME that person SO HARD they STAY that person... the ghoul is GONE and the person who came BACK now has some... weird habits :)

And the author is NOT afraid to kill off characters. Midway through the book, ONE fo the characters is MURDERED- a happy and friendly big fat guy, smart- THE major intelligence in the city that knows ghouls! And he's murdered off-screen, as an aside... and the NEXT chapter has the murdered character TELLING THE STORY in first person! What??

Oh no- a GHOUL ate his decaying corpse and for over a MONTH that ghoul STUCK in his form and WAS him... even though he, of course, had been just a pile of greenish, decaying organs on a table a chapter or two prior :(

AMAZING book- when I get the author and title, I'll edit this post to put them in. I haven't finished it yet- but MAN it's a fascinating book with a FASCINATING back culture... written in such a way that the bigger background story continues in the background... while also impacting the characters in the foreground!

VERY good!

Friday, April 28, 2017

Apparently I missed yesterday.

And I dunno how much better today will be- I have a 1:30 V.A. appt today, which means we need to be on the road before noon... Sigh...

I am so sorry I missed yesterday- I was half asleep, half awake, and busy- and almost didn't get my third video done at all because of timing issues...

SO I dunno. It's MY fault I missed yesterday :( I sorry.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

"Are you SURE you understand what it would mean?"

she asked her grandmother. Grandma was 78, skinny, bony, with tight white curls close to her ancient skull. "I mean, come on. How could you even DO this?"

"I want to be a cougar," said Ethyl, slapping a beringed hand to her sunken, boney chest. "I can do this."

"Come on," said Ruby, rolling her eyes. "First off, you have to have a TON of sex."

"Sounds good," said Ethyl with a sigh. She rubbed a hand over her lower belly. "She's been hungry for decades."

 "All right," said Ruby, thinking of it and suddenly realizing that really didn't sound so bad after all. "I think what I meant was, look at your age. You'd be having sex all day with young men-" and she had to stop there herself. Where was the bad point in all this again?

"That's what I'm saying," said Ethyl with a smile. "And at my age, I don't even need to sha

Bom Dia, ਸ਼ੁਭ ਸਵੇਰ & Welcome To The Vlog! Wednesday, 26 April, 2017

And then there are days like today, where my entry, tho an entry and thus an important part of making this a daily habit, is nothing but a simple post of my video and words explaining why and how it's not bad that all I am doing is this.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

It May Seem Like All I Do

is simple one or two paragraph posts but I've been concentrating on making sure I get this done as a daily habit. Once I have it established, THEN I start changing the content so that I post LARGER entries and make THAT the new habit!

So there is a plan and I know this will work out for me :)

Monday, April 24, 2017

I Am Feeling MUCH Better Today!

And that is a very good thing! Yesterday by this time I was feeling horrible and just unable to do much but sit in a half-daze... for HOURS! I MUCH prefer days like today! Even tho my legs feel... close to anxiety because I haven';t been able to watch much- bloody rain!

Ah well. Hopefully later today I'll get some more work done HERE on a short story! Take care and thank you for reading, tho I BARELY do a thing with this!

Saturday, April 22, 2017

I can see clearly now- ah, that doesn't work.

Anyway, another day and another entry into the blog. Soon I will be posting a lot more- at least I hope so. I need to get into the habit of actually spilling my beans a lot more- part of doing this is because I don't have anyone or anywhere to really share any of my thoughts.

So at least I am now posting daily if what I post isn't actually all that worth reading yet :) But I am thinking about the stories I want to write, and I will be working a lot more on my fiction through here!

Take care and thank you very few people who actually read this :)

Friday, April 21, 2017

The Love Of A Pet

Amelia LOVES me. Can't get enough of me. Would, if she were human, bear my children and be with me at all times. It's absolutely amazing. She just LOVES everything about me.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

First, daily vlogging and now trying to maintain daily blogging as well! Except for that one two day period tho I do seem to be keeping it going even if at the moment I don't have a lot to say. But it is a good discipline to keep up, especially if I want to get back into my fiction writing on a daily basis- I'd like to write about 2k words per day on either short or longer fiction. Soon!

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

My Two Week Depression Cycle/BiPolar Disorder

When I was young, 22 in fact (I am 54 now) I was finally diagnosed with depression. After some weeks of charting my mood so we could see what was happening, we discovered I had a two-week cycle- I spent a day or two falling into the trough of depression where I would stay for 2 weeks. I would then spend a day or two coming back UP to "normal", which, mood-wise, is a little bit lower than a "normal" person's bummed-out day.

So- BiPolar disorder. My "manic/up phase" is still less than what a non-sufferer would feel and only lasts 2 weeks. The trough sucks badly... loss of interest, energy, joy, etc. Have to FIGHT to not just sit in a corner and... sit.

Luckily, I've had 30 years of experience dealing with this so no fear... just have to handle the depression for two weeks and everything will be fine!

For two weeks :)

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

I get so tired by the end of the day...

Like right now- but I can't go to bed TOO early, or I'll be UP for the day at MIDNIGHT and that isn't good!

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Well, okay,

So I missed two days. That happens. I mean, just because no one reads this is no reason I shouldn't work on it every day! Good habits are good habits, no matter what :)

So if you do read this, hello and thank you :)

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

I realized something rather important a moment ago!

I just realized something. I was reading a Cracked article, and read this:
"This is why their most important cultural voices came to the defense of JonTron and PewDiePie after their respective racism controversies. Racism is bad, they say, but censorship is worse. I realize that to readers over a certain age, those are both nonsense names. If so, you should know that among teenagers, YouTube personalities matter much, much more than TV or movie stars. The top five most famous celebrities among people age 13-18 are all YouTube hosts. PewDiePie -- the most famous one who was recently accused of making anti-Jew jokes -- has videos that got more viewers than the Seinfeld finale. The world has changed."
And it's true. SO what can we do? What can ANY of us do? I suddenly realized, I actually AM helping in this fight, and on the front lines!
I HAVE a youtube channel. I only have 87 thousand subscribers, but I AM on Youtube, and I HAVE a presence (a small one :), and I AM making videos where I talk about equality and why it is right; why racism and sexism is wrong; I talk about WHY it's bad to treat people as less than human. I AM on the front lines and fighting the good fight!
I AM more than just Scott (what SNL- THANK YOU SCOTT for the joke :)... I am FIGHTING! :)

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Eighty Seven THOUSAND Subscribers

And while a fair number of those are probably inactive accounts, it's still cool! I never thought I'd even break FIVE subscribers when I first started, and NOW look... I have EIGHT TIMES as many subs as there are people in the town I live in! THAT is something very odd to think about :)

Thank you all so very much for helping me out in this- you are all such wonderful people!

Monday, April 10, 2017

Sunday, April 9, 2017

And here you thought I had forgotten!

Ha! Never! It takes three weeks of WORK to make a habit. And once those three weeks are done, it'll feel WRONG if I do NOT type a daily entry :) That's the way it worked with my vlogging- felt really weird at first. Now I can't start my day without it!

So soon I am going to be typing my stories in here- when I get time. My most precious resource... :)

Saturday, April 8, 2017

After Posting How I Need To Post Daily

Whadda I do? Fail to post daily :) Now how can I expect anyone to read my words if I don't write any? :)

Posting daily IS something that can be done- and easily! It's like any habit. No matter how you may DESPAIR over any habit, remember this:

It takes THREE WEEKS of work to BREAK a habit; it takes three weeks of work to MAKE a habit. EVERY DAY you have to DO something to make it a habit; you have to FIGHT daily for three weeks to BREAK a habit.

So all I have to do to post every day... is post every day! It makes perfectly circular sense! :)

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Maybe If I Post Daily?

I sure hope SOMEONE out there is reading this :) It's okay if no one does, but it would be a LITTLE nicer if someone did :)

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Where is the center of an infinite plane?

I ask that because I have a game setting- or a novel setting, or SOMETHING. It's a place where there IS a center on this flat, infinite plane. The infinite world is divided into four infinite planes, EACH sharing two FINITE planes with its twins. The world runs INFINITELY in each of the 4 directions- NW, NE, SW, SE. Along N, E, S, W, at the center- that's there the splits are.

Each plane has 2 edges that it shares and thus has an end IN that direction- but never stops otherwise.

2 of the four planes extend INFINITELY upwards- one has nothing but space, the other- well, it's weird with pillars and surfaces :) The other go extend infinitely DOWNARD- one is nothing but OCEAN forever. The other is divided up- is it INFINITE OCEAN with bubbles of island, or is it infinite land with bubbles of ocean?

And the people, of course. VERY different to get used to at first. After all, there IS no sun- there is just the Glow. And people NEED the Glow- cover your body it HURTS where the glow is blocked. Get cut? The blood dries into... mud. A corpse, unless treated, will dry into- dirt.

It's a fun place, K'yenwald :)

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Bom Dia, Labas Rytas & Welcome To The Vlog! Thursday, 23 March, 2017

Ah yes, another day. I have to make my bookshelves still so I can get the computer room/storage area tidied back up! It's just a mess right now. Still have to get some bricks and some boards so I can put my consoles up as well. Don't need anything special for that- just some bricks, a few boards. They'll be on the floor=ish, no need for anything fancy :)

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Thomas and Dylan stood before the alien.

The creature spoke and after a second, the translator also spoke, now in English.

"You are a carbon based life," it said, waving toward Thomas. "And you are silicon based," with a wave toward Dylan. "An artificial intelligence, I believe. And you both call yourselves human."

After an uncomfortable moment, Thomas said, "Listen. Just because I'm carbon based doesn't make me any less human than Dylan."

"I resent any implications that my brother is any less human than I am," said Dylan with a frown.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

I Must Have Had Food Poisoning- Oiks!

The other night I woke up at 5 AM, my crotch hurting like someone had taken a steel-toed boot and given me a swift kick between the thighs. OUCH. And my guy hurt- and I was sweating terribly. WHILE shivering because I was FREEZING. Before long I ended up PUKING- and it sucked very much.

I felt better within hours, so who knows WHAT I ate. It MUST have been food poisoning because my HOUSEMATE had the same symptoms that night as well. Man- not sure what we ate but good god, never again! Man!@

Monday, February 27, 2017

I Am A Physical Wreck... And Yet...

Starting from my feet and working up, just because (and I am leading up to a point :)... I have FLAT FEET and wear orthopedic devices in my shoes; I have damaged both KNEES and frequently have to brace all the muscles in my right knee because otherwise everything is going to Let Go; I have had SO many back injuries I can't even count but it's over 10, and the last was also the worst- it took me out of the work force. The CHRONIC PAIN from my back injuries is terrible- I take 5 mgs of METHADONE 4 times per day for this alone. The nerve damage from my back injuries causes neuropathy in my lower legs and feet (both pain AND loss of use), numbness in both upper thighs AND all up my back up to my shoulder blades, severe sciatica, Restless Leg Syndrome, and more. I have abraded BOTH of my radial nerves on my right and left arms, leading to partial paralysis in both arms and hands, although my right hand is much worse than my left (perhaps 5% deficit in my left, 20% deficit in my right... my right hand is clumsy as a fingerless club most of the time). I have no natural curve in my neck- my neck juts straight out from my shoulders and THAT is wrong.

I also suffer from FIBROMYALGIA- I was diagnosed 10 years ago after suffering 10 years before that. This causes pain from my toenails to my hair; constant chronic pain. Couple that with constant fatigue AND what is "fondly" known as FIBRO FOG (inability to concentrate or think clearly) and fibromyalgia ain't fun.

Add my mental issues on top of that (another post entirely!) and it adds up to no fun (especially since depression makes pain hurt worse, which makes depression worse, which makes pain hurt worse, which...).

My point?

I have NO CLUE why I wake up every day just GLAD TO BE ALIVE. Every time there has been a light at the end of the tunnel it has ALWAYS been another oncoming train. I just have time to dust myself off before the NEXT disaster. And yet...

And yet, every day is a Brand New Day, filled with promise and threat, hope and pain. I wake up after each day, no matter HOW horrible the previous day, smile as best I can, and go on to meet the day... even if the light of the sunrise is another oncoming train :)

Friday, February 24, 2017

It is another bright day!

Well, not very bright. It did snow this morning however. And then it quickly melted. Spent most of the day driving into Olympia, and then back! Now I've been trying to clean up my areas. Not liking the way the comp is on the wall at ALL. But, since I do share the closet in here with my housemates, and I want to stay on good footing with everyone... we shall see :)

Monday, February 20, 2017

Hello all!

I am resurrecting this blog- bringing it back from the dead! Yay! :) I want to treat it as a more long-winded form of twitter. Where I can bang out my random thoughts and stories and not worry about the 140 character length. Especially since I tend to use 100 words when using 1 or 2 would be better! :)

So I hope you all enjoy reading my occasional words :) There will be very little wisdom, only small bits of wit, and a lot of random chatter so thank you and have a GREAT day!

And no fear- I understand that if I get even TEN views in a week I will be doing QUITE well! :) Take care :)